Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
