What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
