so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
