She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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