you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
