she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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