hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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