At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
