Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
