Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
