Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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