she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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