and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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