I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
