guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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