I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i came on her dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
