I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
