she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
