Sry I called you an 8
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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