one two three fourrrrnication!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
