not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
