I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You made out with two different species that night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
