Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
