What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
