her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
