ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
