Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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