I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
