I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
