my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You made out with two different species that night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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