Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i've created a new STD.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
