I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
