New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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