yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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