i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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