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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
