Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
