he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
