So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
