if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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