You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
