the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
