Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
