he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
