This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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