Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
