Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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