Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize