Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
