I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
