Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
