dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
