Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
