Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
