i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
