Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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