Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
