my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
