I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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