I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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