i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
