Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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