...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
