please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
