I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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