do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
