Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize