if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
