I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
