You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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