I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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