new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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