yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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