I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
