you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dude. I can hear the air.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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