if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
